Returning in triumph to the White House from his negotiations with North Korea in Singapore, President Trump immediately called a press conference to announce another one of his patented bombshells: He told reporters that in order to meet expenses from his hard bargaining with Kim Jong-un, he will ask Congress to pass a Social Media tax this summer.
“That chubby little momser knows how to wheel and deal” admitted Trump, the author of the bestselling book “The Art of the Deal.” “In return for tearing down his nuclear arsenal, he’s asking for a solid gold replica of Mount Rushmore, life size! And that’s gonna cost. So in order to spread the pain evenly, I’ve decided that everyone on Facebook and Instagram, and especially on Twitter, should cough up some cold hard cash for using their personal social media accounts. Of course, as President, I will claim executive privilege to avoid the proposed tax. After all, I am the Duke of Dicker and the Baron of Barter.”
Although details of the tax plan are still vague, inside sources say that the plan calls for a ten cent poll tax per tweet and five cents for every like on Facebook. Wishing someone a Happy Birthday on any social media platform will automatically incur a charge of twenty-five dollars.
As to how this major new tax will be enforced, Trump was very succinct “Old Kimmy boy is going to lend the IRS a platoon of his personal enforcers — these guys break kneecaps like breadsticks. They never heard of the Supreme Court!”