“You get what you pay for” is an adage older than the Pyramids of Egypt or Windows 8.1. And social media influencers are finding that saying to be truer than ever, when it comes to buying followers.
The market for faux followers has never been busier than today, when everyone from White House wannabes to Hollywood has-beens boasts of having followers in the hundreds of thousands on Twitter and Facebook. Today a celebrity without a social media following edging towards a million is shunned like a leper. In fact, it’s no longer necessary to have any kind of talent or ability at all to become a social media influencer — all you need are enough followers, and companies will beat your door down to get you to sponsor their product. So how does one obtain enough followers? I thought you’d never ask:
Be prepared to pay well
Avoid organizations that promise a gazillion followers for just a few dollars a month. Otherwise you wind up with names like I.P. Freely and Otto Focus on your list. You should be prepared to spend at least twenty dollars a month so your list will include names like George Washington and Mahatma Gandhi.
Love me, love my bots!
Bots are people, too, you know. So treat those innumerable bots infesting your social media sites with love and compassion by sacrificing a black rooster during the full moon, saving the blood for Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel.
Use these keywords in all your social media posts:
Kardashian. Trump. Bitcoin. Rutabaga. Nostradamus. Kale. Unilever. Meghan Markle. and Deracinate. You’ll get so many real followers you’ll have to beat them off with a stick.