Thanks so much for the amazing products and services. I really like my toothpaste and my laundry detergent. So much so, I will not buy anything else and there is no coupon in the world that will make me switch. Unless my husband shops; then, all bets are off! Sorry about that, he loves him some end caps! I also really appreciate the food that ends up on my table. Especially when I do a good job cooking it; it’s delicious. Same as above, I will always buy the same brand of hot dogs and corn chips because, well, they are delicious! Oh and about that car, works great, thanks so much. Totally gets me where I am going with very limited problems. “The White Whale”, as I call her, is a great car that fits my family and a ton of other stuff. And when someone else is using the car, that car-sharing service totally kicks ass. Love it all.
Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I would love for you to stop trying to get me to go to your website and click on your emails. I also hate the trickery you use to get me to “opt in”. I promise when I am ready to buy what you have, I will. And when I am going to try something new, I will ask my friends about what they buy. Depending on the size of the purchase, I will also probably do some research about the product, but I have to be honest, I don’t really believe what your site says because they all sound the same. And I am clearly the only person alive who doesn’t give a rip about online reviews. What would be even better is if you could get real with me; tell me what’s not so great. Ask for my feedback. I love when you ask for my feedback. But for the love of Pete stop with the pop ups asking for my feedback when I am doing something on the Internets. And if you are going to ask for some feedback (without the annoying pop-up) do not make it all about you. Make it all about me and how YOU can solve my problem.
Which is the problem I have. It should be all about me. And you always make it about you. We would break up, but I do need to eat food and get places; I also like smelling nice. So, we continue to do this dance. But know this, you cannot control my attention or “own” my email address. We aren’t in a relationship. I see you try really hard to disrupt my attention. And frankly, it’s making me mad. So, when I need you, I will find you; until then, get lost.